My First Love
by AlphaOmegaPsi
Summary: Sammy can't stop thinking of Jack in that way, even though he knows he shouldn't. Slash, Sam/Jack, futurefic
1. My Crush

AN: Sort of spoilers for Scrubs season 6. Just spoilers for the kids, but nothing really major. Or was Sammy season 7? I can't remember...

Yes, I have stolen the characters from Scrubs to use for my own sick purposes! I stole their children!!

For some reason, I really like using kids that haven't really developed in fanfictions. Like with Harry Potter, I love slashing Albus Severus and Scorpius. Maybe it's because it's still a fanfiction while having yet undeveloped characters so I can make them out to be whatever I want. Hmm...yeah, that sounds about right.

I got obsessed with this pairing when I read a little drabbly ficlet thing here. It was the only one I could find, so I thought "Why don't I write one?" And so this was born. Hooray!

I crapped up the ending. I'm sorry, but I had a brain lapse. No, I'm not rewriting it. Because the crappiness will not change even if the words do. So, sorry.

Their ages, just so there's no confusion, are as follows:  
Jack: 18  
Sam: 15  
Izzy: 16  
Jennifer Dylan (JD): 15

The parents have ages too, but I don't feel like listing them. I may mention them from time to time, like I did with the original JD in here. Anyway, enough rambling. Hope you enjoyed my little Scrubs fic.

* * *

I knew I shouldn't think the way I did about Jack. The guy was like a brother to me, and you weren't supposed to stare like that at your brother, or have horribly erotic thoughts about them late at night when nobody was around. I_ knew _that I shouldn't touch myself while thinking about it, too.

But just because I knew it didn't mean I could stop.

I wasn't supposed to stare at him in the locker room either, but it wasn't as if I could help it. I just repeatedly thanked God that I wore glasses, because I had to take them off in the shower. It wouldn't do to get an erection in the school showers, in front of all those guys. I was already one of the geekiest kids in school; I couldn't handle anymore bullying from being gay.

But, even though it caused me some grief, with having to watch him run and undress and shower…I looked forward to gym class every day. It was the only class I had ever had with Jack in high school, and I loved spending time with him. As far as I knew, he felt the same in that respect. After all, like I said, the guy was like a brother to me.

He was only about three years older, but it seemed like much more. He had filled out young, and became as fit as his father. I followed after my father in that I was just a scrawny little kid. Even though I was fifteen, I looked as if I hadn't hit puberty yet. It was a little embarrassing. I really wished I could be like Jack. He assured me I was still growing and I would get bigger if I worked at it, but I severely doubted that. After all, my dad was still skinny and lanky at forty-six years. And I had those genes…I wasn't getting bigger anytime soon.

Sometimes, Jack would walk to my next class with me from gym. I wondered if it was just from pity, since he could have easily hung out with his jock friends that were his own age instead of a geeky little sophomore with glasses. He assured me he wanted to, but I was skeptical. Then again, I was always skeptical. It was one of my endearing qualities.

When lunch rolled around, I couldn't have been happier. I lived with my dad and his girlfriend Carry most of the time, but occasionally went to my mom's for a weekend or holiday. Sometimes she just visited me, though, which I liked better because then we felt more like a family. Carry sort of ignored me most of the time, which was fine since I had no intention of acknowledging her presence. Anyway, my dad forgot to go grocery shopping during the week, and so we had nothing to eat for breakfast. He gave me some money to buy lunch, but going to school with an empty stomach made me yearn for food by the end of the first period. I had an unnaturally high metabolism, which might have explained why I was so skinny, and so going without food was not a very good idea.

I bought as much food as I could afford with the ten dollars my dad gave me and went to sit at my usual table. My two best friends, who usually sat with me, were missing. Probably up at the deli line getting subs; it took forever to get through that thing. Guess I was eating alone for the first half of lunch.

I dipped one of my fries in my ketchup and took a bite, grimacing. It was cold and soggy. Not that I expected any better; school lunches weren't exactly gourmet meals. I ate more anyway, because I was hungry. Besides, what this food lacked in taste, it more than made up for in filling you up. Or, rather, sitting heavily in your stomach so that you didn't even want to think about food anymore. That's the effect it had on me, at least.

Being alone at my table usually gave me time to think. Which wasn't a good idea, because my thoughts usually drifted to one thing: Jack Cox. It's not like I did it intentionally; it just sort of happened without my realizing it. This time it was about his hair.

Having parents like Perry and Jordan Cox led to some interesting hair. Jordan's rich brown pin-straight hair combined with Perry Cox's tight sandy curls led to light brown, wavy hair that he let hang down past his shoulders. Sometimes he pulled it back into a ponytail, too. Actually, he did that a lot. And it looked so unbelievably sexy on him…I've wanted to run my fingers through his hair so many times; I've had to physically sit on my hands a few times when we were hanging out together just to resist the urge.

My thoughts drifted again, now to his eyes. They were a blue-gray color that was simply breathtaking. I mean, looking at his parents, you could see where he got it. But for some reason, out of the entire family, I only liked Jack's eyes. I couldn't stare at them as much as the rest of him, though, because he usually noticed then. But when I was able to catch even a small glimpse of them…it made my entire day.

I sighed as I realized just how pathetic I was being. I would never have him, no matter how much I wanted him. And I did want him; very badly. I may have been a confused teenager, but not about this. I was never so sure about this. But I couldn't do anything about it. I knew that if I even tried anything-if I made any sort of move that betrayed my feelings for him-then he would leave and I wouldn't even be able to hang out with him as friends, and our grouped barbecues would become extremely awkward. It wasn't as if I could avoid him, our parents being such close friends. It just wasn't fair, though; why would I feel this way about him if I couldn't even do anything about it? Life was cruel and unfair. Suddenly, I didn't feel so hungry and pushed my tray away so I could lay my head in my arms on the table and feel sorry for myself for a while.

"Sammy, wake up!" My head snapped up as I heard the Latina-tinged voice of my first best friend Isabella Turk; Izzy for short. She sat down across from me on the bench and set her tray down in front of her. I glanced at her meal and found myself to be right; a cellophane-wrapped sub sat, along with a bottle of water. I almost laughed. Izzy had some crazy notion that she was fat, even though she was only a little overweight. Either way, she was always on some new diet that never seemed to work. But I guess she had to work harder; she didn't have a high metabolism like me and our other best friend.

"I wasn't sleeping," I protested, forcing a smile onto my face. I didn't want her to know I had been moping again. But she saw right through me; she'd always been able to.

"What's wrong, Sammy?" She asked, unwrapping her turkey sub and taking a huge bite of it. It tried to feign innocence, adopting a wide-eyed 'what could you be talking about?' expression, but she fixed me with one of her famous 'don't give me that shit' stares and I knew it was futile. Nobody could deny her when being given that look. She had probably gotten it from her mother. I had seen it enough times in both women to be suitably scared of all women for life. But then again, Carla Turk was scarier than the average woman. Uncle Turk assured me all women weren't as scary, but dealing with the people I did…that was really hard to believe.

"It's just…the same old thing," I sighed, hoping she would let it go. She wouldn't, of course. She was like her mother in that she pressed and pressed until I wanted to scream at her. I wouldn't, though; not because it would hurt her feelings, but because she would scream back. And, admittedly, she would probably make me cry. It just wasn't very manly to cry because a woman was yelling at you. Izzy laid down her sub and swallowed the one bite she had taken.

"It's about Jack again?" She asked, staring across the table and trying to get me to look at her. I kept my gaze firmly on the table. This was always a weird subject to talk to her about. She had accepted me being gay with absolutely no discretion, but I know our fathers always wanted us to end up together. Most of my life, I can remember my dad talking about what life would be like after Izzy and I were married, and he and Uncle Turk were in-laws. I know he was disappointed when I told him I would never end up with Izzy, but I knew he loved me and I knew he would never try to change me.

"Sammy, hon, you can't keep pining over him forever. What's the worst that can happen if you just take a shot?" For some reason, Izzy was under the impression that she was a shining fountain of infinite knowledge. But instead of offering different advice ever time, she simply said the same thing over and over, thinking that if she nagged then I would finally do what she wanted, I guess.

"Oh, I don't know, Izzy…" I couldn't keep the biting sarcasm from my voice. "I could lose him as a friend; my family might become alienated from his family; he might try to kick my ass; I might get an ass-beating from his dad; or worse, his mom; there might…"

"Okay, okay," she interrupted me. She took another bite of her sub and swallowed harshly. "I'm just trying to help. I hate seeing you so down, you know."

"Why's Sammy down?" My other best friend, Jennifer Dylan Cox, JD for short, sat down beside me, a tray of nachos piled high with synthetic cheese in the middle of her tray and a can of Mr. Pibb adorning the left corner. Izzy glared at it jealously before turning her attention back to JD.

"Same old thing," she said, before I could get a word in. She also had that weird habit of answering for me. It was scary, almost, how much like her mother she was. Uncle Turk said that having a baby with Aunt Carla may have been the worst thing he had ever done for the world; he had created a clone of his wife, and one was enough. Of course, he never said this when Aunt Carla or Izzy was around.

JD wrinkled her nose as she took a bit of her nachos. She offered me one, but I declined.

"Are you pouting over my brother again?" I nodded stiffly, wishing they could seriously just let it go. "I think you're too good for him. He's a meathead." I chalked that one up to sibling rivalry, since Jack was anything but a meathead. Besides being on the school football team, he maintained a 3.6 grade point average and was actually taking early college courses so he could study to be a doctor like his father. I thought it was funny that he wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, but it definitely wasn't unexpected. Jack idolized his father.

"I'm not pouting over him, JD," I mumbled, laying my head back down on the table. "And he's not a meathead. I've known him just as long as you have, and just as well." JD pursed her lips into a pout, taking another bite of her nachos. She grimaced.

"I think the cheese went bad," she said, crinkling her nose. Izzy snorted, continuing to eat her sub.

"It was never good to begin with," she said after swallowing. "It's synthetic cheese, know what that means? It means they made it out of crap and not milk. You'd probably live longer drinking battery acid." A smile crossed my face at the change of subject, even if it was the nutritional value of synthetic cheese. While they usually pushed things far further than was necessary, my friends did love me and sometimes got the hint. Though it was on very rare occasions, I was grateful every time.

"You're over-exaggerating, Izzy," JD said, scoffing. Nevertheless, she pushed the nachos away and stole my unfinished lunch. They ate most of their lunches in relative silence while I stared at a fascinating spot on the wall for the rest of the period. When the bell rang, I jumped and sat up quickly. Izzy and JD chuckled as they threw their trays away.

"Don't let this ruin your whole day," Izzy said, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me wetly on the cheek. I groaned in protest, wiping it away on my shirt. She knew how much I hated that and yet insisted on doing it all the time. She grinned at me.

"Don't forget, we're meeting at my house after school today for the movie. If you're late, we'll leave without you."

"Yeah, yeah," I said off-handedly, smiling. I knew they wouldn't leave without me. If necessary, they would wait and wait and maybe even just go to a later showing. They said all the time that if I was late they would go without me, but they never did. It made me happy that they valued my company that much.

--

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough. I was plagued by my thoughts, despite Izzy's "words of wisdom". I couldn't stop the thoughts from coming. Hopefully, the movie would distract me. And if that didn't work, mindless video games were sure to do the trick. Since it was Friday, I wouldn't have to stop for hours. That should at least take a chunk and keep me distracted for a while.

So immersed in my thoughts about not thinking about Jack was I that I didn't notice someone sneak up behind me until I was grabbed around the neck and pulled into a headlock.

"Ack," I gasped, prepared to call for help, thinking it was a bully. But a friendly laugh told me that it was only Jack, messing around. "Jack, lemme go," I groaned, pulling at his arm desperately. Usually, he kept me in this kind of torture until I begged for mercy or said "uncle", but this time he simply let me go and walked in step next to me as I gasped for breath dramatically.

"What are you trying to do, kill me?" I rubbed my neck, but it actually didn't feel sore or anything. It just amused me to make him guilty, which he was…a little. He was hiding it under his amused smile, I was sure.

"If I killed you, Sammy, who'd I have to torture?" He grinned, reaching over and messing up my hair. I growled and tried to re-place it. Dad always told me a good hairstyle was the key to being popular in school. It hadn't worked so far, but it was a habit to keep my hair looking nice. Jack knew how particular I was about my hair, so this was his favorite attack spot.

"So, where are you off to on this fine Friday afternoon?" Jack said conversationally, peering over at me expectantly. I shrugged.

"I'm going to Izzy's house. She, JD, and I are going to see a movie." I frowned. "Didn't your sister tell you about that?" Jack laughed.

"Like JD tells me anything. She's so hell-bent on making me out to be some horrible, evil, older brother." He rolled his eyes. "Think she'll grow out of it?" I pretended to think.

"Did your dad and aunt ever grow out of it?" Jack laughed again, and it wasn't until then that I realized just how much I loved his laugh.

"Good point," Jack said, still smirking. "Hey, I've got a better idea than you going to see a movie with the dangerous duo. Come over and play video games with me. I'm dying to kick your ass in Unreal Tournament." I knew I shouldn't blow off Izzy and JD; I really did. But it was the same way I knew I shouldn't be attracted to Jack, and I knew I was a sad person for it. Izzy and JD would both give me grief about it later, but that didn't really cross my mind.

"Sure," I said, my smile stretching into a wide grin. Even though I considered the girls to be my best friends, I never passed up time to spend with Jack.

I really loved the Cox residence, and enjoyed going over there to visit both JD and Jack, which was often. The place was my third home, besides Uncle Turk and Aunt Carla's place. Uncle Perry had once lived in a penthouse apartment, I was told, but had decided to move shortly after they had JD. Apparently, a penthouse apartment wasn't good enough to raise two children.

They didn't move far; barely a mile away. But it was a really nice house. It had two floors, about three full bathrooms and one half bathroom in the guest room, a den_ and_ a living room, a basement which had been turned into a game room and completely covered in carpet so it was nice and cushy, and a huge dining room with an adjacent state-of-the-art kitchen. I wondered, vaguely, who used that kitchen. I had never seen Uncle Perry or Aunt Jordan cook. Maybe they had a hired cook…but they were never they when I was. Somehow, though, they never ran out of food. Not synthetic, store-bought crap, actual food. It was voodoo magic, it was. But I wasn't complaining

Jack and I went down to the basement and turned on the Playstation 2. He handed me a controller, which I gripped probably a little tighter than necessary. I wasn't the biggest fan of Unreal Tournament, but it was one of the only multiplayer games Jack owned so we usually played it when I came over. I could never get the hang of switching the weapons, though, so whenever I ran out of ammo I would just keep shooting the same thing for at least another minute before realizing I wasn't actually killing anything. And the weapons that had no ammo were worse, because they took so long to actually swing and by the time you killed one guy about a million more were attacking you and you were pretty screwed.

For a while, things went normally. We were playing "capture the flag", so I didn't have to worry about too many enemies. My toughest opponent was Jack, and he usually didn't completely massacre me. He left me a little room to escape if I needed to. He tried to make it look like an accident, but I saw through it. I don't think he realized that he was too good at this game to let someone like me get any sort of advantage at all.

After playing for a while, though, I began to notice I was actually starting to win. His character was just sort of wandering around and not even attacking me very much. And he wasn't organizing his guys very well, so capturing the flag wasn't very hard at all. I frowned. I knew this wasn't by accident. I sucked at this game and Jack ruled. I glanced over at him, and actually caught him looking at me. He looked back to the screen quickly, trying to look like he was playing the entire time, but he was caught. I paused the game and put the controller down on the floor.

"Is there something you want to say, Jack?" I asked, looking up at him curiously. Whatever he wanted to say, it must have been pretty big, since he usually wasn't distracted from video games by mere thoughts. He dropped his controller on the ground and looked over at me seriously.

"Uh…well, the thing is, I was talking to my sister a while ago…"

"You talked with JD?" I said jokingly. I couldn't help it; after the conversation from earlier about the sibling rivalry, poking fun at them communicating at all was just a gimme joke. He smiled a little at the joke before his face fell serious again.

"Yes," he said. "And she told me something…about you…that I think we should talk about." I felt my heart stop in my chest. She didn't…she wouldn't do that to me, would she? She wouldn't tell him my secret, she was my best friend; she was supposed to keep this stuff to herself.

"O-okay," I said, swallowing. I tried to calm down and rationalize, thinking it could easily be about something else. I couldn't think of anything else it could be, but it could be something else. It had to be, because he couldn't know about that.

"She told me that you…that you were gay…" _Oh please, stop there,_ I pleaded as he paused. I could deal with him knowing that. If he just knew that, I would be fine. The only reason I hadn't told him is that it never came up. I would actually be glad to have that out in the open to him, just as long as he didn't know the rest.

"Yeah," I managed to say before he could speak again. I couldn't even remember wanting to say it before, but it seemed like I should say something. I needed to make him stop talking, because somehow that would make him not know. If I could just distract him, he wouldn't know and we could go on like we did all the time. "Sorry I didn't tell you, I just…you know. It's one of those weird things, and…well, you know, right?" I giggled nervously, unable to keep myself from rambling. I always got like this when I was extremely nervous.

"There's more," he said, almost regretfully. I tried to talk again, tried to make him stop talking so maybe I would have the chance to escape or make him forget, but he held up a hand and I fell silent simply because his presence practically demanded obedience. It was just as well, I guess, because I had no idea what I would have said anyway and a whole lot of unintelligent drivel probably would have escaped my lips, which I would have been embarrassed for later. "She said that you…liked me. Like, in a romantic way. Is that true?"

I felt as if I was going to hyperventilate as I felt my world crash around my ears and the reality hit my like a car on a freeway. He knew. He knew about my feelings for him. Any second, I expected him to start pounding on me, leaving me a bloody mess that my dad would have to come pick up and bury. All because I couldn't keep one little secret. I was so stupid. I shot a glance at the door, noticing it was slightly ajar. If I made a break for it, maybe I could avoid this whole mess once and for all. I would just never interact with a Cox again. Even JD, who deserved it after betraying me like that.

A hand fell firmly on my shoulder and I jumped. It wasn't until then that I realized how tensed I was, prepared to spring away and avoid the one person I had ever really liked and whom I was closest to in the world just because of my fear. It was dumb, and I knew I was being a coward. But I couldn't stop being scared; I knew something bad was bound to happen.

"Sam," Jack said seriously. I could tell he was serious, because he used my serious name. Nobody ever called me that unless they were trying to be serious with me; which wasn't very often, I had to admit. I took a deep shuddering breath, and realized just how close I was to crying at that moment.

"It's…it's just a stupid little crush," I tried to rationalize, hoping maybe he would see reason and still be my friend. "I'll get…I'll get over it…" I bit my lip, trying desperately not to cry. I wouldn't, not in front of Jack. I wasn't the strongest person but, damnit, I wouldn't let myself look weak either. The hand that was still on my shoulder felt heavy, like a lead weight. I wished Jack would stop touching me. Couldn't he see it wasn't helping anything?

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Jack asked. "Why did you suffer alone without saying anything?" I felt my lip quiver and I clamped down with my teeth harder until I tasted coppery blood. He wasn't going to beat me up, that much I could tell; he didn't sound angry at all, just…disappointed? How strange, considering he just found out a guy he's known nearly his whole life loves him.

No, wait, I don't love him. It's just a stupid crush that would go away. Yeah, that's all. And he had to believe that, so that when it did go away we could go back to the way things were. I can't believe that he'll treat me the same after this.

"I…I didn't think you would like it," I mumbled. "I thought you would…you know…beat me up or something." I felt an arm wrap around me tightly, and suddenly I find myself pulled up against a strong chest. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest as my brain registered just how close I was to the object of my affections. I swallowed thickly, trying to fight the tears I knew were inevitable. I've never been very good at holding them back.

"Sammy, have I ever told you what a dork you are?" I couldn't help but laugh a little at that, but a few tears snuck out and rolled down my cheeks in the process. I tried to wipe them away, but Jack wouldn't let me move. So I just laid my head on his shoulder in front of me and let the fabric absorb the wetness. Both of us knew it would happen, so it's not like it came as a surprise. I managed to choke out a reply when I realized Jack was waiting for one.

"Yeah," I said thickly, a smile crossing my face. "You s-say it all the ti-me." It was the truth; he called me a dork more than the bullies at school. But, unlike the bullies, it was always said in an affectionate way.

Over the course of our lives, I had always been scared that Jack would succumb to peer pressure and begin acting coldly towards me someday. It wasn't such a big deal when we were kids, when everyone was weird. But as I grew up, and everyone started to become "normal" while I stayed weird, I became shunned by the greater population of children my own age. I was just lucky I had lifelong friends like Izzy and JD to get me through school. Jack was also a lifelong friend, but he was older than me. So the fear was a lot more present with him. But I shouldn't have worried, because he never acted that way towards me. He might have ignored me a little during school, but I could deal with that. As long as he was still my friend, that was enough for me.

And now, with this…I was so relieved that he wasn't going to start completely ignoring me. Maybe all my dreams weren't coming true, but that was okay. I could deal with that, as long as he would remain by my side.

"You know I love you, right?" Jack mumbled quietly. "You're like the little brother I never had." I nodded, sniffing. I knew he did love me, if not in the way I really wanted him to. I berated myself for the small spark of hope that maybe something more might come out of this whole thing. Jack would remain my friend and role model; that's the way it was supposed to be, and I couldn't try to change that and ruin it.

Jack pulled away from the embrace and held me out at arms length, a smile on his face.

"Are you gonna be okay, Sammy?" He asked. I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks…" I was struck with a crazy idea; one that I knew was stupid as I thought it. But this was the perfect opportunity for it. I would never get the chance to do it again, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head if I never did it. I took a deep breath to give me courage.

"Jack…?" I swallowed another lump in my throat, telling myself to just get through this. Jack was waiting patiently for me to say what I needed to say. I took a deep breath. "Could I…kiss you?" The look of shock that crossed Jack's face was one I had never seen him use before. It was almost comical, but this wasn't the situation for laughing.

"Just once," I said quickly. "I just want to see what it's like…I'll never ask again, I promise. Please…" I knew it was a selfish request, to ask for something like this. But I had to do it. I had to do it just once. For some reason, I thought that if I did this one little thing, everything would be all right. I would get over Jack and things could go back to the way they were. I didn't expect him to agree, but I had to try.

"Sure," Jack said uncomfortably. My head snapped up. Did he just agree to let me kiss him? Really? My heart could have burst with glee as he sat in a more accessible position, the look of discomfort still evident on his face. But I was too excited to think about stuff like that. I was actually going to kiss…Jack. I never thought I would get an opportunity like this, and I was going to be happy about it.

I sat up on my knees on the couch, unsure of what I should do. I had never kissed anyone before, but I really didn't want to look like a little kid in front of Jack. I wanted him to think I was mature, capable of something like this. So I decided to just do it fast and hard; at least that way, he wouldn't be able to tell if it was good or not. So I just laid my hands on his shoulders to balance myself and practically thrust my face at his.

I pulled back less than a second later, clutching at my mouth in agony. I noticed Jack was doing the same thing, but he was also laughing.

"You…you dork," he laughed, wiping away a trickle of blood from his lips. "You do it that way…you gotta watch out for the teeth." He lay back on the couch, body shaking from laughing so hard. I began to chuckle too, but I found the situation more embarrassing than humorous. That had obviously not made him think I was mature and could kiss well. Now he thought I was just some stupid little kid. I felt like crying again.

Jack turned my face towards his with both hands, a smile still on his face. But he looked patient too.

"Look, I'll help you out," he said. "Someone has to teach you this stuff, right?" I managed a small, grateful smile. Jack was always looking after me like this. As he face loomed closer, I found myself getting nervous. This time, Jack was going to kiss me. I didn't know if I'd be able to handle this. But it was too late to back out as soft lips pressed against mine.

I expected a chaste kiss, or just a brief meeting of lips, but as soon as we came into contact Jack started moving his lips. My brain felt overloaded, and it was so hard to think like this, but I managed to move my lips back against his.

I never knew that being kissed could be such an intense experience. I felt pleasantly light and blank. I couldn't think, only react as things were thrown at me. But I was glad this was happening; that Jack was my first kiss. It was better than I ever could have imagined.

When I felt a wet tongue touch my lips, my first instinct was to clamp my lips shut to keep out the intruder. But I managed to relax, and opened my mouth a little to allow room. The sensation was strange, having another tongue that wasn't mine in my mouth, but I managed to get used to it. I was scared to do so, but I started to tentatively respond with my own tongue. If anything, after getting past the weirdness, it was an even better experience.

I think I got too into it, because I found myself gripping Jack's shoulders tightly to get closer to him. Due to the combination of sensations I had never felt before and overabundance of teenage hormones, I also came to realize I was aroused. I knew it would be bad if Jack realized this, and in the back of my mind I knew I should stop this and leave before he noticed, but my body wouldn't listen to me even if I wanted to move. It was too preoccupied at the moment. But when one of Jack's hands fell from my face and accidentally landed on the bulge in my pants, I knew I was in trouble. But this knowledge didn't stop the small moan that I emitted.

I felt Jack pull away quickly, and tried to follow like a lost puppy. I hadn't realized until then that my eyes were closed and I opened them slowly. I was extremely embarrassed that this whole thing had gone farther than I wanted it to, but I was also horribly disappointed that the moment had to end.

Jack looked at my lap, and then back up at my face. I tried to discreetly cover the bulge with my shirt, all the while feeling a deep blush creep up my neck and face. Now that I was seeing things a little clearer, I could see just how bad this situation was. I don't think Jack really accepted before that I liked him. But any doubts he may have had were erased now. There was no way to cover this kind of thing up. I just hoped that, after a while of awkwardness, we would be able to forget it.

"Uh…" I didn't know why I was speaking, just that I needed to break this awkward silence. "Should I…go home?" I secretly prayed that he would say yes. I needed to get away from this horribly thick tension and work out this erection. I needed to go home desperately, and try to work this out.

But to my immense surprise, he shook his head and leaned back towards me, kissing me again. I made a small surprised sound in my throat, my eyes widening for a minute before closing contentedly. I barely noticed as I was laid back on the couch, head pillowed on the arm. I did notice that Jack was closer, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I was afraid he would leave, and that this was all some sort of sick joke. But I knew Jack would never do that. Not him…

I felt something rub against the bulge in my pants again. Thinking it was an accident again, I held back a moan and tried to shift away. But it happened again and I couldn't hold it back this time. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Jack's hand, rubbing me through the denim of my jeans. I clenched my eyes shut tighter at the sensation and realized breathing was much more difficult when he was doing that. So I turned my head to break the kiss, regretfully. I didn't want to stop, but if he was going to do that then I had to make sure I didn't suffocate.

Breaking the kiss didn't deter Jack, though, simply altered his route. I felt the harsh sting of bites on my neck and groaned, now convinced he was trying to kill me. I had never thought the whole thing with pain being pleasurable was really true, but in practice it was actually not as bad as I thought. I doubted I would like it if I wasn't already aroused and if Jack wasn't currently rubbing his hand against my crotch.

My teenage hormones betrayed me at that moment, just like they had been all day. I knew I couldn't hold on very long, since I had never had this kind of experience before. But that didn't stop me from trying. I fought so hard to just keep myself from releasing, wanting this to continue as long as possible. But it was very quickly that I felt the familiar rush that I achieved when masturbating, only about twice as intense. I couldn't help from gasping and letting out a cry that I knew was much too loud as I reached completion.

I caught my breath for a minute on the couch before opening my eyes blearily. Jack's face swam in front of me, looking concerned.

"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked in a low voice. I blushed again as I realized I must have been really loud. I just hoped nobody was home.

"Yeah," I answered, looking at a spot over on the wall. Now that my head was clearing, I was well aware of just what we had done. Jack didn't seem overly bothered by it, which was weird since I was very close to having a panic attack over it.

"So, uh…" I was silenced by Jack pressing his lips to mine again. This kiss was brief, just a meeting of lips, but it was just as passionate. He pulled back and smiled.

"You, uh…wanna stay over tonight?" I nodded dazedly and sat up as he allowed me to. I swayed a little from dizziness, but otherwise seemed fine. Jack steadied me with a hand, which made me smile. Even now, he was still looking after me. I was scared to ask what had just happened, and what it meant, but I vowed to do that tonight. Now, I needed to go home for a while to tell my dad where I would be and take a shower.

"I'm gonna go home to get some stuff," I said standing up. I swayed again and was steadied once more by Jack.

"Want me to go with you?" Jack asked. "You seem a little…out of it now." I shook my head. I needed time to think over all this, and Jack being there would just be a distraction. I wanted him to be there, but…I knew my best bet was just going by myself.

"I'll be fine. See ya later." I exited the downstairs game room and made my way upstairs, a feeling of giddiness washing over me. I knew we had a lot to work out, but this was promising. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance after all.

I was relieved to find nobody upstairs. I didn't want to have to explain anything, including my appearance which I knew must have been atrocious. I just needed to make my way home quickly, shower and change, and then come back. Nobody would be any the wiser, and I would be home free.

I almost died when the door opened, just as I was about to leave through it, and JD came into the house. She started.

"Sammy? What are you doing here?" She took in my appearance with wide, confused eyes, as I tried desperately to disappear. Her eyes lingered on my neck and pants, which I knew were the most incriminating spots. I blushed so hard I felt sure my face would burn from it and scrunched my neck down, trying to hide inside myself like a turtle. I pulled my t-shirt down, trying to hide everything. But she had already seen; it made no difference.

"I just…well, it's, uh…you know…a thing with…you know…" I edged around her to the door, perfectly aware that I had just said absolutely nothing, and made a run for it. I was nervous, because I knew she was smart and would figure it out, but I also realized that nothing could break my good mood.

The wind felt exhilarating, and I ended up running the entire way home, a grin on my face.


	2. My Brother Figure

AN: Second chapter! People really seem to like this story, seriously. I got good feedback on Deviantart too. Nothing much happens in this chapter, just things become clear. This one takes place right after the events of chapter 1, but not all of the chapters will be like that. I will skip around quite a bit, and this story will probably not have many chapters. Also, no consistant updates. Sorry, I'll try to get the third one in soon but I can't promise anything. I have other things I have to do too.

Anyway, enjoy! And leave me lovely reviews if you do!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

I had to admit, I was nervous about staying over at the Cox residence that night. Everything had happened so fast while I was there…I wasn't quite sure what had happened. My mind was still a little frazzled, and while I knew I looked like shit I also couldn't muster the energy to really care. One thought that kept swirling around in my head was that Jack had kissed me.

_Jack_ had kissed_ me._

And he had…but I couldn't think about that. If I thought about it too much, my brain would explode. That was just too much. I just kept running until I literally ran into my apartment door, clutching the door handle like a lifeline.

Part of me prayed my dad would ask me what happened, and forbid me to go. Not that I wanted to tell him, of course, but he would force it out of me either way. Unfortunately, knowing my dad, he would just be happy for me and send me off. But how could he know how gut-wrenchingly nervous I was? I barely knew, as shell-shocked as I was.

My dad wasn't home when I got inside, and neither was Carry. There was a note on the fridge, which I assumed was from him, but I didn't read it right away. The first thing I had to do was take a shower. My pants felt uncomfortable sticky; I tried not to think of why that was, opting for instead pretending that I had spilled soda on them. I slipped out of my clothes as I made my way to my room, throwing them down the stairs to the basement. I would clean them later.

The bathroom was a wonderful sanctuary to just sit and think, and it was often a place I went when things really got out of hand. Of course, that was ruined a lot of the time by Carry pounding on the door, yelling at me to get out so she could do her hair. I wondered when she would wise up and realize that her hair, as much as she had to "do" it, was just shitty. But my dad would never suggest she cut it, which was the sensible thing to do. What he saw in her, I couldn't tell.

Actually, that was a lie. I knew exactly what he saw in her. It had kept me awake many a night, wishing and praying I was at my mom's. She didn't date much because of work, so I never had that problem at her place.

I stepped into the bathroom and locked the door, in case dad or Carry came home early. Let her scream and shout; this was my time, and she was not going to interrupt it.

Normally, when I wanted to think, I would run the bath. But I didn't have the energy to take one right now. Every time I did, I had to refresh the water every five minutes. Lukewarm water just wasn't very relaxing. So I turned on the showerhead, as hot as it would go, and stepped past the curtain inside.

I hissed at the initial spray of steaming hot water, but then relaxed. The thing about hot water was that it was always relaxing. You couldn't be tense in water this hot. I sat on the protrusion and leaned back on the shower wall, sighing. This was just what I needed. I needed to relax desperately, and just sort of think things through.

What had happened was obviously something Jack wanted. He had initiated it, and a Cox never did anything without a reason. Of course, there was always the possibility that he only did it to make me happy. But I doubted it; it had been way too passionate for just a favor.

I still felt guilty, though, like I had forced him into it. That was stupid, I knew, but I couldn't help it. I knew that going over there tonight would mean he either wanted to reestablish our friendship, show that nothing would change just because of something that had lasted very long; or, in my mind a lot less likely, he wanted something more than friendship from me. I frowned to myself at that and reached for the soap to start cleaning my body. Jack was straight; there was no question about that. There was no way he could be interested in me.

I rubbed the bar roughly against my chest, trying to convince myself that I was being delusional and that Jack and I would continue being friends. But that kiss…I had never been kissed before, but it had been enough to arouse me. Even if it was Jack, just a kiss shouldn't do that.

I shook my head angrily, as if I were protesting against my thoughts. I was a teenager, and teenage hormones were very over-abundant. It was because of that, nothing more. I couldn't let myself be even a little hopeful to that kind of future. If I did, I would only be hurting myself.

Speaking of hurting myself…it came to my attention I was scrubbing one spot on my chest rhythmically with the soap, and it had turned red. I threw the offending bar away in favor of burying my head in my hands. Everything was so much simpler before. Sure, I was sort of pining for him, but at least I knew where we stood. At least then, I knew we were just friends and would never be anything more. Now…my world was completely turned upside-down. I couldn't keep up.

I dumped a big glob of shampoo in my hand and scrubbed my hair so hard a few strands came off on my hands. I didn't care, though, because right then it didn't matter. I knew my dad would be shocked to hear that, since he viewed hair to be the most important aspect of a man's life, but I wasn't thinking too hard about that at the time.

I knew I wouldn't call Jack and tell him I wouldn't be coming over, as much as I wanted to. I knew that, because I also knew that as soon as I heard his voice I would want to see him again and throw all discretions out the window.

I really wished my dad were here, so I could just talk to someone about this.

I noticed the water was starting to get cold and shut it off, sitting in the shower a few minutes more. I couldn't have the comfort of the hot spray anymore, but I could sit here dripping for a while, feeling sorry for myself.

I considered calling Izzy and begging her to help me. She was always the person I turned to when things got bad or overwhelming. But JD had already seen me, and I was almost certain she had already called Izzy and told her what happened. I knew my Latina friend would jump to unnecessary conclusions and try to talk before I had even explained the situation. I loved her to death, but she was inconsiderate sometimes like that and probably wouldn't be much help at all no matter what her reaction was.

I would have to face this alone. I would have to be brave. I would have to be strong in front of Jack no matter what he wanted. I couldn't run away.

Sighing, I grabbed my towel to dry myself and then wrapped it around my waist while I searched for clothes to wear. I found myself being a little pickier about my ensemble than usual. There were clothes all over the house, in baskets and drawers. But none of them seemed good enough as I wandered around practically naked. I did eventually settle on my favorite pair of jeans, the ones that weren't dirty, and a red t-shirt that had the words, 'What Did You Kill, Bungalow Bill?' blazoned across it in white letters. I still felt scruffy, but I thought this would do. I had to fight not to keep searching for clothes, though, as I threw my towel down to the basement to join my pants.

A grumbling of my stomach reminded me that I was hungry. I didn't notice before because I was so nervous, but I couldn't ignore it now. I opened the fridge to see if there was anything to eat. As I stared at the depressingly empty interior, I was reminded that my dad didn't go shopping yet. The only thing left were a few apples, so that had to do. I grabbed one and took a juicy bite before closing the cool black door.

A note on the front caught my eye. It was from my dad, saying that he and Carry went out on a double date with Aunt Elliot and Uncle Rubin, her husband. He said not to expect him back too early and that there was money in the cupboard if I wanted to order out. I sighed. Just another night in the Dorian household; alone. I would go live with my mom, but she was always so busy with work. It wouldn't be any better than here, and at least here I could still see my friends all the time.

I scribbled out a note and suck it to the fridge informing dad where I was going to be if he came home early. I still wasn't sure if I really wanted to go, and face this, but I would do it. I couldn't run; not from Jack, especially. As much as I just wanted to pretend this wasn't happening, I needed to know where we stood. I wouldn't abandon him for anything, and especially not this.

I packed slowly, carefully picking out the clothes and stuff I wanted to take. I grabbed a few video games that I know Jack enjoyed so we could play something other than Unreal Tournament. I knew I was stalling when I stood for ten minutes, weighing the pros and cons of simply washing some clothes to take. I knew it would take too long, and I guess I was secretly hoping I could use it as an excuse. But I had clean clothes, and I would take them. I needed to get out of here now.

As I passed the bathroom, I made a quick stop inside to check on my hair. I groaned in agony as I saw the red marks on my neck. I had forgotten all about those, but they stood out clear and angry on my pale skin. No way could I hide that, unless I wore a turtleneck. Which might seem a little suspicious, since it was so unseasonably warm outside. Warm enough for a t-shirt at least. No way would his parents not notice.

I dug in the medicine cabinet, coming back up with a bottle of liquid cover-up and a makeup sponge. I had seen Carry apply this stuff dozens of times before for the exact same problem so I was sure it would work. I poured a little on the makeup sponge and dabbed it lightly on my skin, trying not to leave too thick a layer. I don't know what I had been expecting, but I was stunned when the marks practically disappeared fairly easily. I smiled, relieved. That would have been a very awkward conversation.

Putting the makeup back, I stopped for a minute to look around the apartment. I had never liked staying here alone, and avoided it whenever possible. This had to be the first time I ever even partially fought to stay here while my dad was gone. Fear was a strong thing, really. I had felt its icy grip many times before, but usually it was from the bullies at school or the fear of failing a test. I had never felt such a deep-encompassing fear before; it was uncomfortable, and made me want to break down and just stay in this spot forever. I was afraid, not of Jack, but of what Jack represented at this time: Uncertainty.

I wondered how many people were ever in this situation, and what they did. How did anyone move with this kind of fear tearing at their insides? How could anyone keep going when all they wanted to do was curl up and die?

I already had the answer to that before the phone started ringing: Because life wasn't about quitting when things were hard. It was about persevering and working through even the toughest of situations, so you could continue to live. And I had to continue to live, and face this thing, whatever way it turned out.

I picked up the phone without checking to caller ID. "Hello?"

"Sammy?" A smile crossed my face. It was Jack. Was he calling just to see if I was coming over?

"Hey, Jack," I said, hopping onto the kitchen island to sit. "I was just about to leave. Is something wrong?"

"Oh." I could sense the surprise in that single syllable. He was probably thinking that I was thinking exactly what I had been thinking mere minutes before. And he would have been accurate. But I was right about one thing: His voice was soothing. It made me want to see him all the more, and gave me the extra bit of courage I needed to really leave this apartment. "Uh…mom wanted to know what you wanted for dinner." My smile grew wider. Obviously that was an excuse. His mother didn't cook.

"Pasta sounds good," I said, deciding to buy into his ruse. It didn't matter anyway, I could understand his anxiety more than perfectly.

"Cool," he sighed. Even over the phone, I could tell he was relieved I was being so casual. I knew this boy way too well. "Hey, listen…about earlier…"

"I'll be there in a few minutes," I interrupted. I didn't want to talk about this over the phone, as easy as it would be. And if we started, I would lose my nerve. "We can talk when I get there, okay?" There was a long pause, as if he was thinking about it, and then a sigh.

"Okay, when you get here. See you, Sammy." And then the line went dead and I felt alone once more. Funny thing about phones: They can really make an empty apartment seem full. And when you hang up, that empty apartment goes right back to an empty apartment. I had never been so anxious to get out of there as I grabbed the spare key and locked the door.

--

Jack's mom was home from work when I got there, but she said Uncle Perry was on-call for a few more hours. That was fine with me; in case things went badly, I didn't want to have to deal with the elder Cox.

I pulled a game from my bag when I got inside. Nothing special, just a football game. I was better at it than actual football, and Unreal Tournament. Jack grabbed the bag and told me to just go downstairs and set it up while he threw my bag into his room. I was more than happy to do that, and descended the carpet-covered stairs.

I expected it to be empty when I got down there, but instead found it very full with two people watching a flickering TV screen in the pitch dark, a bowl of popcorn between them. My blood ran cold as I realized who the two people were: JD and Izzy.

Of course, I was expecting to deal with JD tonight. She lived here, and it was unavoidable. But Izzy? I hadn't thought JD would really be that mean. She couldn't be doing this to spite me, could she? But she had told Jack about my feelings for him, so I couldn't honestly say she wasn't.

I tried to blend into the darkness like some strange chameleon hybrid so they wouldn't see me, but I had never been very good at hiding from them. They spotted me right away.

"Sammy, is that you?" Izzy sounded pissed. She probably knew what had happened. JD, you big blabbermouth. I stepped into the middle of the room, staring at the floor guiltily.

"Hey, guys," I said softly. The movie played on the screen, but nobody was paying attention to it now. Both Izzy and JD were staring at me, their arms crossed. I wished someone would have the sense to turn the lights on, because it was disconcerting to just stand here in the dark. I took a deep breath, hoping to sort of lie my way out of this. There was the chance Izzy didn't know; JD might not have told her yet. "Sorry I missed the movie," I said, trying to force a smile. I looked up in time to see Izzy roll her eyes.

"Please, Sammy, we know why you missed it. That's not why we're pissed." I looked back at the floor, prepared to receive my telling off. Izzy was good for that.

"I'm-I'm sorry," I said, at a loss for what else to say. I wasn't sure exactly how I could apologize for this.

"Yeah you're sorry," she said venomously. "Or you should be. How come you didn't call to tell me?" My head snapped up. She was mad that I didn't tell her? Well, that was easy; I was too freaked out myself to even think about doing something like that. JD patted the cushions next to her and I sat down, my head spinning a little.

"Give him a break, Izzy," JD said. "You should have seen him when he left. He looked like the spokesperson for Schizophrenia." JD had seen me as I left, looking all rumpled and bitten up. One hand flew absent-mindedly to my neck.

"He still should have called," Izzy huffed. I made a mental note never to hide anything from her. If JD weren't here, she would have torn into me without mercy. I didn't think I could handle something like that right now, with all this going on. I would have started crying, I just know I would.

"So…" JD put the TV on mute and leaned over to me. I leaned away a little, scared by the glint in her eyes. "What did you guys do?" I spluttered a little, not even attempting to answer the question. It wasn't something I really wanted to tell her about. Luckily, I didn't have to.

"You should learn to mind your own business, Jenny," a voice said, before the lights came back on. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes, and caught sight of Jack standing in the doorway. "Get out of here, Jenny, we're playing video games."

"Like hell you are! Me and Izzy were here first; we're watching a movie."

"Watch it in your own room." He was glowering at his sister, his face most sincerely saying _get the fuck out_. It was almost scary. It wasn't even directed at me, and I had the urge to bolt. But JD was a tough girl, and just returned his glower with a glare of her own.

"We're not leaving," she growled. "You can't make us."

"Uh…we could all just finish the movie, and then you could leave and let us play video games," I said timidly. I was always trying to keep the peace in the Cox household, futilely. It almost never worked. Izzy used to try right alongside of me, but gave up a while ago. And if she couldn't do it, what made me think I could do it?

But I was surprised when Jack merely shrugged and turned the light back off.

"Start 'er up," he said, settling down next to me. JD pressed the mute button, and sound flowed back into the room.

I barely noticed what movie it was. It had quite a few romance scenes, but that wasn't what currently held my attention. It was more Jack's close proximity that had my full and undivided attention. It didn't seem like he was paying attention to the movie, either, as his fingers playfully crawled over my hand. A couple times, I thought he was just going to grab my hand and hold it, which I wouldn't know how to respond to at all. But he never did, simply let his hand skim over the skin. I shivered at the strange tingling sensation left in their wake.

"This movie is boring," he whispered in my ear. I jumped at his voice, so unexpected in my state. I nodded in agreement. He tugged at my fingers gently. "Wanna just go to my room until the gruesome twosome leave?" I did want to, so badly. I love JD and Izzy, but at that time being alone with Jack in his room sounded much, much more appealing. I felt myself being tugged off the couch by the very tips of my fingers, being practically dragged along.

"Where are you two going?" JD asked, looking away from the giant TV screen.

"My room," Jack said shortly before pulling me up the stairs into the house. He let go of my hand as we reached the den, where his mother was sitting watching some sort of soap opera. She glanced up as we passed.

"Dinner's almost ready, Jack-y. Could you tell your sister?"

"She'll wander up when she's hungry," Jack replied, not stopping in his beeline for his room. I could do nothing but follow, waving a quick hello to Mrs. Cox. She waved back as I tried desperately to keep up with Jack's longer legs. Why did he have to go so damn fast when he knew I couldn't keep up?

When we got to his room, everything happened so fast I was in a mild panic for a few seconds. First, the door closed and was locked, and then I was pushed up against the wall roughly, being kissed almost painfully. I struggled initially, but once my senses were clear once more I relaxed and began responding. I still had a lot of questions to ask Jack-one of them being exactly what this was to him-but they could wait. I mean, I was still scared that maybe this was all a big experiment to him, and insecure about pretty much everything, but I could let this moment be for a while. I could just let this go on.

I felt myself being pushed down, and found we'd somehow made it to his bed. I vaguely wondered how that had happened, but it wasn't exactly a priority thought as he crawled on the bed to straddle me. Strangely, nothing about this situation seemed wrong. It seemed…natural and right.

"You put on makeup?" Jack said amusedly, kissing my throat.

"Y-eah. Had to cover up the marks." My breath hitched as he ran a hand over my chest, still covered in plenty of t-shirt. I blinked sleepily as I watched him. Something about his presence so close always made my brain feel fuzzy. I just couldn't think about anything, even my previous worries. I couldn't even worry about how quickly my previous worries were forgotten.

Jack kissed along my jaw, my cheek, and my nose before settling once more on my lips.

"You're really cute, you know that?" I smiled a little at him calling me cute. Normally, I might have gotten angry. But in this situation, with him being the one to say it, it was the biggest compliment I had ever received.

I was in wonder as I watched his face morph from serene to worry.

"You know this isn't some one-time thing for me, right?" I frowned, trying to find his meaning. "I mean…I'm not trying to use you, Sammy." Oh…well, that was obvious. I thoroughly believed that, whatever Jack did, he never did to hurt anyone. He never meant any harm. I had known him my whole life, and I trusted him.

"I know that," I said softly. "But…you're straight." That was a fact I couldn't ignore. Jack had been straight as long as I could remember. He had been with quite a few girls, all very beautiful. Not once had he ever looked at a guy. He couldn't deny it, and I couldn't deny it, but I found myself wishing I had been born a girl if only for that purpose.

"I know I am," he said softly. "I am straight." I sighed. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up even the slightest bit. I knew this was all too good to be true. I tried to sit up, but he pushed me back down and pressed his lips to mine. "I think you're my exception," he said quickly, looking away as if embarrassed. "You're not just some guy, Sammy. You're…well, you're you. We've known each other our entire lives, and I'm willing to bet I know you better than any guy you would ever be with. And you know me much better than any girl." This whole conversation was slightly uncomfortable while lying underneath him. I tried to sit up again, but he pushed me down once more, fixing me with a hard, pleading gaze.

"This is about so much more than which gender I'm physically attracted to. That's only one aspect of a good relationship." My brain felt fuzzy again. I let my head fall back on the pillows, feeling like the room was going blurry. It felt much too small, containing just me and Jack on this little twin bed. Did he just say we were in a relationship?

There was a knocking on the door. I jumped, pulled out of my mellow daze by a sense of sheer panic gripping my chest.

"Boys, dinner is done. Come eat."

"Coming, mom," Jack called. I sighed as I realized the door was locked and she wasn't coming in. I could hear her footsteps retreating. Jack sat up, his weight lifting from me so I could sit up. As relieved as I was, I missed it a little.

"You gonna be okay?" Jack asked me. I recalled that he asked me the same thing after our last little "episode" and smiled. He was right about us knowing each other better than any potential mates. Besides Izzy and JD, he was the only person I could honestly say I knew everything about. Jack was the only one I would get the true satisfaction of a…relationship…out of. I had to keep from laughing. Thinking of us in a relationship was strange. I never thought things would get to this point. But if Jack was willing, then so was I.

"Yeah, I think so," I said softly. We didn't need to say anything after that as he grasped my hand and pulled me out to the dining room, where Izzy, JD, and aunt Jordan were already sitting down to rigatoni with cheese. Nobody said anything about our late entry, and the conversation eased into a casual one. I ate the rigatoni ravenously, more than slightly distracted from the conversation by Jack placing a hand on my thigh under the table. But I didn't exactly protest, instead laying a hand on his to keep him there. His presence was comforting.

Later that night, when we finally decided to go to bed and I asked where I was gonna sleep, he laughed.

"With me, of course," he chuckled. I was shocked, and voiced this. He said it shouldn't have been such a big deal; after all, we used to do the same thing when we were little kids. I tried to protest that it was different then, but he would have none of it. He said I was going to sleep in his bed whether I really wanted to or not. I faked having to go to the bathroom before he could grab me and ducked out of the door.

I passed JD's room on the way there, and heard them still talking. The light was still on, so it seemed like they were going to stay up a little longer.

It was weird to think, but it was only earlier today that I was feeling sorry for myself over Jack. I never dreamed something like this would happen, and so fast. As much as I wanted to be around Jack right now, I felt like I needed the support of my other closest friends. I needed to know they would be okay with this, because I couldn't stand it if they were in any way mad at me. I opened the door and the turned towards me.

"Hey, Sammy. Are you sleeping in Jack's room tonight?" JD grinned at me, an evil gleam in her eye. I rolled my eyes and sat on the floor next to them.

"Yes…he wants me to sleep in his bed." It felt weird to talk about this, but I had already started. Besides, they already knew most of what was going on. Might as well fill them in on the rest.

"Oh! Are you guys gonna…you know…" She made an obscene gesture with both hands. Both Izzy and I fought to get to her first, to smack her upside the head. We ended up in a big pile, laughing.

"You shouldn't be such a pervert, JD," Izzy said, sitting up and smirking at her. I sat up as well, chuckling.

"Especially not about your own brother," I finished, crinkling my nose. "That's, like…really wrong." JD pouted.

"But you two are so fun…I can't help it." Izzy and I crossed our arms, fixing her with twin glares. She grimaced. "Okay, I'll try. But I'm not making any promises." I shook my head, smiling. JD would never stop being a pervert, no way in hell.

"So, what's the deal with you two, anyway?" Izzy asked, turning to me. "One minute, you're moping about the guy, the next you two are all lovey-dovey? How did that happen?" I shrugged.

"Honestly…I don't know. It just sort of happened." I wanted to keep talking with them, because it felt like I hadn't done that in ages, but there was a soft knock on the doorframe. We all turned as one to find Jack standing, staring at me.

"Hey," he said, a soft smile settling on his face. "You coming or what?" I looked back towards Izzy and JD, who were staring at me pointedly. Their eyes were practically screaming at me to just go back to bed with Jack.

"Yeah," I said, standing up. "Goodnight guys." They waved as I left and followed Jack casually back to his room. But my heart was pounding nervously. I hadn't slept in the same bed as Jack for years. I had stopped long before I discovered I liked him, and that discovery had only made certain that I would never do it again. I wasn't truly able to wrap my mind around all this, and my brain was still protesting against it profusely. Even if he said we were in a relationship, this was still weird.

I thought about just telling him I couldn't jump to that step yet, and would go sleep on the couch, but the decision was out of my hands as he sat on the bed and pulled me down with him. I barely had time to adjust before he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer, sending me practically face-first into his chest, thankfully covered by a gray tank top. From this angle, every breath I took was laced with his scent, and I found myself taking much deeper breaths. I couldn't get enough of it; never had been able to. I also found myself becoming more relaxed. Maybe this wasn't going to be so hard.

He wrapped a blanket around us both and snuggled up to me to that his chin was resting on my head. He pressed a kiss into my hair.

"Goodnight, Sammy." I took another deep breath as I rested my head on his well-toned chest. I thought this would be much more uncomfortable than it was, but…we fit. There was no other way to explain it. And at this moment, this whole thing didn't feel weird anymore. It felt right. It felt like it was the right thing to do, and that things were finally the way they were supposed to be. I yawned, a feeling of sleepy calm washing over me.

"Goodnight, Jack."

For the first time, I felt like things would really be okay.

* * *

AN: It's not really important, but I should mention this: Rubin is, in my mind, the Janitor's name. ElliotxJanitor forever!


	3. My Valentine's Date

AN: Okay, so, it's a couple days early, but I made something for Valentine's Day. Nothing much, just a little thing with my favorite next-generation kids. I hope Eros blesses you all this Valentine's Day.

Why is it so fun to dress Sammy in a skirt?

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

* * *

"Let's go out tonight." I looked up from the book I was pretending to read, blinking in surprise. Jack sat beside me, a big grin on his face. I laughed, thinking he was joking.

"I'll have my suit and tie fitted," I threw back, going back to staring at the words. I wasn't really interested in the book, though. I wanted to throw my arms around Jack and just be held by him so badly, but we were technically still in school (even though we were outside) and that would compromise the whole 'secret relationship' thing we were fighting for. I felt him scoot a little closer to me on the bench.

"Come on, Sammy," he whined. "I want to take you out. It's Valentine's Day and I want to do something."

I blinked and looked at my watch, which had an internal calendar on it. Sure enough, big black letters spelling out 'February 14th' stared back at me mockingly. It occurred to me at that moment that this was probably the first time I had been in a relationship during Valentine's Day. I wasn't sure exactly how I should handle it.

"I…I'm not a girl," I said, staring adamantly downward. "I don't need you taking me out."

"I'm not doing it because I think you're a girl; I'm doing it because I want to go out and I want to go out with you."

"What about staying in?" I suggested.

"I want to show you off." A hand nuzzled my neck, secretively hidden between us from the other students. I shivered, trying to shake him off without moving my arms.

"Someone will recognize us and know," I protested. "Do you really want a gay rep? I sure don't." We had decided to keep hushed up about our relationship, though it was really mostly my decision. After all, Jack would be graduating soon and it didn't matter if people thought he was gay because nobody there would see him again. However, I still had two years to go, and I really didn't want to deal with the jibes. Especially without Jack there to protect me.

Oh man, I was a girl.

"Then we'll go somewhere out of town," he said. "I have a car; we'll find somewhere far enough away that nobody will recognize us, so even if people do see us there's no worries." He grinned. "Come on, Sammy, we've never gone out on a date before, and I feel just horrible about it."

"I don't know…" The plan Jack was setting up seemed rock-solid in theory, but I couldn't help being cautious. Jack didn't understand; he never got picked on or ridiculed. I had my entire life, and I still wasn't used to it. If people saw us together, two guys on a date, most likely there would be friction even if nobody knew us.

"Okay then…" A slow smile spread across Jack's face. "The biggest thing you have with this is that people would see us as a gay couple, right? People would ridicule us for it being wrong and throw things, those usual homophobic things…right?" I nodded slowly, unsure what he was thinking about.

"Then I have the perfect way to remedy that," he said, an unreadable look flitting across his face. I was scared for a minute. "Meet me at my house after school," he said, gathering his books and standing up when the bell to go inside rang. I sat there for a few extra seconds, wondering exactly what he had in store, before grabbing my own stuff and racing in to fifth period.

--

Jack didn't meet me after school, but with the way he'd acted at lunch I wasn't expecting him to. So I walked quickly to his house, my curiosity overwhelming me. What exactly did he have in store for me? What was so important that he had to rush home so quickly, and how would he remedy us looking like a gay couple? It seemed a little impossible, really.

I sighed to myself, stepping aside on the sidewalk to let a woman with a poodle walk past me. Why did Jack have to be so secretive? Why couldn't he just tell me his idea, so I wasn't so eaten up inside wondering?

A sense of foreboding fell on my head as I approached Jack's house. That look he had earlier did not make me confidant to what he had in store. I opened the door hesitantly, not bothering to knock since I practically lived here anyway, and slipped inside.

I was surprised to find Jack, Jack's mom, JD, and Izzy all standing around the dining room table, staring at me in a way that made it seem like they wanted to eat me. My gaze flicked towards the table, where clothes, wigs, and makeup were piled haphazardly atop one another.

And then everything clicked.

I tried to escape, but Jack grabbed me around the waist before I could even turn the knob and dragged me to the table. It didn't help that he was both bigger and stronger than me.

"Come on, Sammy, be good," he whispered in my ear, like I was a little kid. I thrashed harder.

"I told you I'm not a damn girl!" I grunted as I was dropped unceremoniously onto a chair. I tried to get up, but JD and Izzy were ready with some rope, tying my hands to the chair so I couldn't escape.

"Please don't make such a big deal out of this," Jack said, kissing my forehead tenderly even though all I wanted to do at that moment was kick him in the balls. JD and Izzy took care of that, though, holding down my feet. I was livid.

"Let me go," I growled. "I'm not dressing up as a girl, and you're an asshole for thinking I would."

"Please, Sammy?" Jack begged in that breathless tone that always left my knees feeling weak. "I would do it, but…well, that would be weird, wouldn't it?" I took a minute to look at Jack. His toned muscles, tall build, and bulging Adam's Apple definitely didn't scream 'girl.' He was the farthest thing from girly there was.

However, I had never thought of myself as very girly either, and I certainly didn't want to dress up in girl's clothes.

"Why do I have to do this?" I asked, a pleading tone in my voice. "Why can't we stay in, so I can stay a boy? I like being a boy." Jack leaned down to press a kiss just under my jaw, almost on my neck, but not quite. I shivered. That was an unfair, dirty move. He knew that spot made it hard for me to think.

"It's just for one night, I promise," he said, so quietly that only I could hear it with the close proximity. "I swear, you won't have to wear it for long." He pulled away from me, smiling. "Besides, I think you'll look cute." My face heated up when Jack said those words, and suddenly dressing like a girl didn't seem so bad anymore.

"Okay," I consented with a sigh. "Okay, I'll cooperate. You can untie me now." My two friends did so, grinning at me.

"You're going to look beautiful by the time we finish," JD assured me. "Nobody will ever recognize you." I was wary, especially knowing how overboard JD and her mother could be about giving people makeovers. Izzy was a bit better, but it seemed even she was excited to dress me up like a giant doll.

I would get my revenge for this.

The dining room was a bustle of activity as I was dressed, washed, tweezed, poked, and prodded. None of the girls seemed to have a problem with stripping me naked in order to get their tasks completed. I noticed that Jack was nowhere to be found at these times.

It wasn't shaving my legs or covering my head in a sweaty wig that really got to me so much, and the makeup wasn't so bad I guess, but one thing I bemoaned was the horribly tight girl panties and insanely short skirt they girls seemed keen in dressing me up in.

"What about pants?" I groaned, staring longingly at my discarded jeans lying rumpled on the floor only a few feet away. JD shook her head, the most evil smirk I had ever seen on her face.

"It's not girly enough," she admonished, tugging on the blue pleated nightmare. It barely fit over my hips, squeezing the bones so tightly that I thought they would pop. The breeze over my bare legs was so weird. I couldn't get used to the open feeling the skirt allowed, and I wasn't sure whether I liked it or not but I sure was wishing for those pants.

The wig wasn't such a nightmare, like I thought it would be. It was black and bobbed, and the hair swished whenever I moved my head. If I had worn it looking like a guy, it might have looked weird. However, the makeup and the clothes and the manicured fingers they had so graciously supplied made it look okay. I stared into the mirror, shocked, unable to believe I could look like that.

"That's really me?" The others nodded, pleased with themselves. I picked at the sweater they gave me nervously. It was skin tight, hugging my curveless body enough to ride up a bit whenever I moved my arms. I wasn't fat, thankfully, so there was nothing to be embarrassed about. The fact that my torso looked nothing like a girl's made me nervous, but it was barely noticeable if you looked at the big picture. It even looked like I had breasts, thanks to Mrs. Cox's brilliant idea of stuffing a bra with small sandbags.

If you were to ask anyone, there would be no way they could think I was a boy.

"Oh, Jack!" JD sang out, positively delighted. "Ready to meet your dream girl?" Izzy pushed me out of the bathroom. In heels it's hard to catch your balance at the best of times. I, having no previous experience wearing them and already nervous, literally fell on the carpeted floor, banging my head against the wall.

"Oww," I groaned, rubbing my head and shooting death glares at the three still in the bathroom. Izzy and JD just smiled innocently while Mrs. Cox smirked, no doubt highly amused.

"Here," a deep voice said. I looked up to find Jack standing over me, hand outstretched to help me up. I grasped it and was hauled to my feet, kept upright by his hand on my waist.

"Are you okay?" he asked, smiling. I blushed.

"Yeah…it's just weird is all." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"You'll get used to it," he said. It was at that moment that I noticed he too had dressed up; in a nice shirt and a tie, with his hair somewhat slicked down and wearing some sort of cologne. I was furious. Next to him, I looked like a slut.

"You look great," Jack said. "Like a regular girl." I scowled at him and half heartedly hit his arm. He just laughed.

"We're going now," he said to the girls in the bathroom. "Don't wait up." We were sent off with tears and blown kisses, which I was sure were only done to embarrass me. It was ridiculous; it was only a date. Sure, it was Valentine's Day, but it's not like it was prom or something dumb like that.

However, as anxious as I was, as unbalanced in those heels as I was, it all seemed to melt away when Jack put his arm around my waist and kissed me.

So I thought, if only for tonight, as long as Jack was by my side, I could get through this.


	4. His Confession

AN: Short and sweet update. Yay for writing at 2:00 AM because your cat somehow managed to take up enough space on your bed to actually kick you out? I'm gonna go with yes.

This is just a bit of cutesy fluff. Nothing major. Next one probably will be something major, though. Guess we'll just see.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the graduating class of 2009!"

The new graduates stood and threw their caps high in the air, whooping in celebration of their newfound freedom from high school. I stood and clapped with the hundreds of other people in lawn chairs littering what used to be the school's practice field. It had recently been turned into a temporary graduating ceremony grounds for the event.

My dad applauded to my left, and to my right JD and Izzy even whistled. Further down the row, I spotted JD's parents. I'd never seen her father look so close to tears. I wasn't really surprised, though.

After all, what parent isn't emotional when their child graduates?

It took a lot of effort, and I'm pretty sure more than a few feet were stepped on, but we finally managed to meet up with Jack. He greeted us with a huge grin.

"Graduated with Honors," he said proudly, waving the diploma around like the world's flimsiest baton. His mother threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She wasn't crying, didn't even look close to tears, but there was no mistaking the look of fierce pride on her face. His face clapped him on his shoulder.

"I'm real proud of you, son," he said, beaming. "I always knew you could do it."

"Well, I couldn't afford to slack off. After all, you need to be top-notch to be accepted into Medical School." He winked at his father. "I'm sure it was the same for you, dad." His answer was interrupted by JD taking her turn for a hug and squeezing her much larger brother harder than it seemed physically possible.

"I can't believe you didn't fail!" she exclaimed, laughing. "I take back all the Meathead jokes I ever made about you, Jack."

"Liar." Jack grinned. He picked her up and spun her around once before setting her down.

Then his eyes turned to me. I smiled a bit awkwardly, and offered a lame congratulations. I couldn't say everything I wanted to say here. Not in front of my father and his parents, though I did notice three pairs of expectant eyes on me, as if they expected me to jump into his arms right then.

Jack thankfully took the hint and left it alone for the moment. He knew I would congratulate him properly when we were alone.

"Hey, I've got an idea!" JD said loudly. "Let's go get celebratory ice cream at that new place that opened up downtown! I hear they have the best flavors; I've been dying to try them! Can't we, daddy, please?" She turned her bright, hopeful eyes on her father and he sighed. It was too easy for his daughter to manipulate him.

"Fine, fine," he agreed. "Jack, why don't you meet us down there in your car; you don't want to leave it here all alone."

"Great! And Sammy will go along to keep you company!" JD pushed me toward her older brother, an action which earned her a very annoyed glare. Inside, though, I was elated. This would give me some time to have Jack to myself for a while tonight, and nobody would think anything of it. We were friends, after all; what was so suspicious of me riding in his car?

We piled into our rides and I tried my hardest not to look too excited. When we pulled out of the parking lot, I finally relaxed and grinned over at him.

"Really, congratulations," I said. "It must be exciting to finally get out of high school."

"Yeah, I guess." Jack shrugged. "It's really overrated, though; I don't feel any different."

"Well, you'll still have school," I pointed out. "Regular college, then Medical School, right?"

"That's the plan." He smiled. "I've already got a few colleges I'm looking into, and now that I have the diploma I'll be sending out applications." Jack suddenly frowned. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. See, with an Honors Diploma, and with my GPA being so high, I could probably get into a really good school. I've been looking into this one that I really want to go to; it has a great Medical program, a spacious campus, nice dorms. Only... it's three states away."

I felt my heart thud painfully in my chest, but ignored it as I fought to keep my smile. "That's great," I said. "I mean, if you really want to go there... I know they'll accept you. They have to; you're too good to pass up."

"What about the distance?" he asked, his eyes flicking toward me briefly before once again focusing on the road.

"We can talk on the phone and e-mail," I reasoned. "So it's long distance, that doesn't mean we have to give up on our relationship." The words sounded hollow even to me. Long distance relationships were poison to most couples. And Jack was going off to college. More than likely, he was going to meet some girl that would make him forget all about me. Someone who was going to make him remember that he was straight, not gay. What would I do then? Could I handle that? Maybe it would be less painful just to break up now.

"Sammy?" Jack's larger fingers entwined with mine. "What's wrong? You don't look so good."

I blinked, trying to hold back the tears. "It's just... I'm going to miss you when you leave," I said. Jack veered off the road and for a moment I panicked until I realized he was just pulling over. When the car stopped, he pulled me into a fierce embrace.

"I can go somewhere closer," he said. "If it's going to bother you that much, I'd rather stay around here and keep an eye on you." I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was him making sacrifices just because I was getting a little emotional.

"If you really want to go there, then go. I don't want to be the one that holds you back from your dreams." I felt the tears coming and buried my face in his shirt in an attempt to hide them. "I'll never forgive myself if you stick around just for my sake."

"You know, I probably wouldn't forgive myself if I did that either." He chuckled, a low rumbling sound, and released me to look at my face. "But, you know, you don't have to worry or even miss me. I'll call all the time, and tell you every detail about college life. Everything will be okay."

"How do you know that?" I asked. I didn't mean to; the question slipped out. He smiled and wiped the tears from around my eyes with his thumb.

"Because I love you, you silly dork." He leaned forward to kiss me briefly. "And we're going to make this summer amazing, got that? I'm going to take your virginity, Sam Dorian." With that, he returned his attention to the road and started driving again. I was stunned. This felt like a monumental moment, but my brain couldn't seem to catch up. I felt like I should say something, but my voice was frozen in my throat. What exactly had just happened?

Though I was confused about the events that transpired, I trusted what Jack told me. We could make it work; it would take a little effort, sure, but we could do it.

I laid my head lightly on his shoulder as he drove. "I love you, too," I mumbled. I wasn't entirely sure if he'd heard me or not, but I supposed it didn't matter. I'd say it louder later.


End file.
